Reading and Writing to Sleep

It's really not that late for a Friday, but after being awakened by a crying baby and a husband leaving for work entirely too early at 4:45 AM... I'm exhausted. During the day I look forward to crawling in my bed and drifting off to a blissful night of rest as if it is something that will actually happen. However, in reality I am a night owl by nature and practice no matter how I schedule myself to fight it, and I have difficulty settling my mind into rest. I've always envied people like my husband who can fall asleep in 15 seconds and wake up refreshed after a 15 minute nap. It takes me 30 minutes to settle into a nap. In fact, the more I try to focus on sleep the more topics surface and permeate my thoughts. I love to analyze, theorize and day dream, but this looming energizes me at night when I desperately want and need sleep. Morning arrives at the same time every day.

I love to read and always have a stack of books on my night stand that I am currently TRULY reading before I go to bed. Maybe reading a good book is a trigger for my brain and in actuality I should start my day with one instead of the latter. I'm currently reading the book Eat, Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm in the beginning or a quarter of the way through and can understand why the book is so popular. She is desperately seeking. However, it's so depressing when I read books about people that become incredibly influential by doing world-recognizing and monumental things such as building schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan or writing an International Bestseller and they do not know Christ as a Savior. In Elizabeth's search for God (so far... I did read a little ahead and a little about her as an author) she completely discredits Christ. Without Christ there is no knowing God, they cannot be separated. I cannot imagine trying to find answers within myself because I know I would be completely and utterly disappointed at the many directions my truth would lead into chaos. Thankfully, I place my faith in a book that reveals God's character and plan so that I can know his Holiness through the sacrifice of Jesus. This book so far is leaving me depressed at thought of someone searching and still not seeing Truth. At least it drives me into deep thought about my faith and the faiths that exist in this world... which then leads to prayer--as it should. Although the deprivation unnerves me, prayer should be my first stop.

On a lighter note... I enjoy her style of writing because she is being honest about who she is and is sharing an adventure too exciting to ignore. I want to transcend through this book and know her. Her raw honesty (to everyone! or anyone that wants to read) in times of despair displays a self-disclosure that would mandate a close friendship upon exposure to its details. Right now she is in Rome... eating. I could be in Rome... eating.

Now when I really need to fall asleep... like it's midnight and I know my bambino will be bright-eyed and wailing for food in 6 more hours, I pick up Jane Austen's Persuasion. It takes serious concentration to figure out what is even going on. I end up exhausted after 4 or 5 pages.

7 months and growing...

Arthur is 7 months today. This is such a sweet age to experience as a mom. I have so many ideals on how to raise him during this phase: I want to teach him a certain level self control (pulling my hair is getting old), creativity by filling his life with personal play time, and lessons through small, everyday tasks. We have introduced signing, and I'm hoping it will pay off in a few more months. For me baby signing is more of a peer pressure (thanks to the Charleston mommies) than something I personally feel strongly about.

The second peer pressure from Charleston mommies is home made baby food! It's a bit time consuming, but at least I know I'm feeding Arthur something I would actually eat too. He loves pears and sweet potatoes. I love that he actually has food preferences at 7 months old. SO cute! Over Christmas I ended up with a 6th case of mastitis from nursing and decided it was time to wean. I know I'm crazy for stopping after the 6th time... I mean after the 3rd, 4th and 5th time I kept thinking, "Oh, I'm sure this is the last time I will ever get it!" Anyway, it has been a bitter sweet transition. Arthur doesn't seem to miss it. We are both better off this way...

Stats for the baby book, as the pediatrician says-- and I don't correct her by saying, "Oh my son doesn't have a baby book"-- for 6 months are: Height, a little over 28 inches and weight, 17'9 lbs. He was 90th percentile in height and 50th in weight.

Dear Arthur,

Arthur, you have brought us so much joy and love in these past four months. I look at you everyday and literally squeal at your preciousness. I give you hundreds of kisses and sing you silly songs all day long. Not a day has gone by when I have not prayed for you. Before you fall asleep, I lay my hands on you and pray that God will keep you safe, help you grow big and strong, and for you to love the Lord with your whole heart. We are so blessed that God gave you to us!

You are a curious and focussed baby. You love to sit in your sling close to me and observe the world around you. You study people and objects for an unusual amount of time. You love your jumperoo and anything you can stick in your mouth! You love your Daddy, and you give him the biggest grins when he comes home from work. Bath time is probably your favorite time of the day and you have learned to enjoy it to the fullest while soaking the kitchen. You talk to yourself in the car. You chat away with mommy and daddy for long periods of time. You are a terrible napper... you think 15 to 30 minutes is enough time to be asleep during the day. You make up for it by sleeping 11 to 12 hours at night! When you are tired you rub your face. When you are fussy you calm yourself by sucking your little fingers. At 4 months you weigh 14 lbs and you are 26 inches long. You need lots of love and attention because we have spoiled you with it from day one! You love your crib aquarium, aka Baby TV. You love the actual TV too, but Daddy doesn't like for you to watch it. You love to be around lots of people and find yourself content in anyone's arms.

When you rolled over (right at four months) I screamed with delight so loudly that you jumped. When you received your first shots I cried with you. When you jumped in your jumperoo for the first time I called everyone that loves you to share the exciting news. It's amazing to watch you grow and learn. You can reach for your toys and play with them now. You can grin and giggle.

Now I understand why moms believe their children are the greatest things since sliced bread! I am so in love with you. So, I hope you always know that you are one LOVED baby, and this is just the beginning!

Love,

Mommy

Baby Amnesia

Motherhood has consumed me in a wonderful, all-encompassing way. I'm loving my little "Arfy, muffin, pumpkin, lovey, boo boo, poopy loopy, sugar wugar... you get the picture" man more than I can express in a blog post... I'm not gifted enough.

In such a short time we have come so very far...

In the first two weeks while healing from a c-section and longing for just 3 consecutive hours of sleep, Flip and I looked at each other and shared the same sentiment: "WHAT DID WE JUST DO???" I was prepared for this; we both were. I knew it would get better, and believing that pulled me through the sleep depravation and nursing trials. Our emotions were raw. The experiences were surreal. My hormonal sensitivities... through the roof. I would cry when I saw a homeless man on the street and would pray for him incessantly. I would cry at the imagination of Arthur's heart hurting whether it be a girl or some bully at school.

But, now that I'm several months into this... "baby amnesia" has attacked... and I look back and think, "Oh that wasn't so bad." Now, don't get me wrong; I totally appreciate this baby amnesia because I seriously want to do this again and again, but at the same time I want to remember the reality of those "baby fog" days (a term borrowed from my sister-in-law) so these memories don't fizzle away.

1. Healing from the c-section was manageable, but took a few weeks before bouncing up the stairs.

2. I needed a nice long cry after realizing my labor experience was far from ideal. It took a few days to accept the fact that I needed to mourn the experience.

3. Note for all: Your epidural did not work if one leg is dead-numb while the other one feels like going for a run.

4. Post delivery: Getting ready involved nipple creams, nipple pads, pads of all sorts and lotions for scars and stretch marks encroaching on time that simply does not exist.

5. That precious new baby can make you the most vulnerable person in the world.

6. Nursing was and still is a B---- (even though I assumed I had it down)

7. The smallest of problems with your child will consume your every thought while thunder-clouding you.

8. Bedtime was especially difficult when you knew you weren't really going to bed.

9. I played Darius Rucker's, "It won't be like this for long" a hundred times a day.

10. Hours were well spent just staring in awe at the beauty of what God designed inside of me.

11. Family support was incredible. I wanted to share the experience with everyone.

12. I saw my husband cry for the first time.

13. The Pediatrician prayed before Arthur's circumcision.

14. I tested and strengthened my endurance by mastering the most unnatural natural process: nursing... after countless hours of crying, slow regaining of birth weight, 5 cases of mastitis, and an extremely slow, inefficient nurser, I can endure anything.

15. Using the hospital nursery and wonderful nurses to take your beloved child when you're totally exhausted from 30+ hours of labor and a c-section is nothing to be ashamed of.

16. Oh... my first glance reaction, "tears and... WOA... it's a mini version of my father-in-law!"

Wouldn't trade it for anything.

Twitter?

Recently I've had many topics come to mind for this blog, but shy away from posting because they seem too opinionated or narcissistic. However, I enjoy writing about myself and what I think so maybe it's a guilty pleasure... an outlet not offered through my addictive friend, Facebook. 

The one "new" thing I'm not quite sure about is twitter! I have to agree with Bill O'Reilly about twitter... it may very well lead to the dumbing of our nation (if abused-- which it is!). In fact, facebook's twitter/status update can be one's vain attempt to spark interest in daily activities such as lunch or taking a nap. A part of me wants to click the comment tab and write, "I don't caaaare!" Dumb and Dumber style while another part is slightly interested in the fact that you had a taco for lunch... which then leads me down the path of wasted time. Considering I update my status occasionally and have a blog, I'll digress from strong opinions for fear of being hypocritical :)

Topics I would twitter about today: 

1. My weight gain (too much? too little?)

2. Parenting advice

3. The View- wishing I could be Elizabeth's "helper" while maintaining a sense of humor

4. Historical fiction novels I love to read

5. Pregnancy

6. the 12 minute turtle mile I now run at 7 months

7. Every move and kick my baby makes

8. The constant planning and preparing for our move to Charleston/graduation/having a baby!

9. Parenting philosophies

10. Baby feeding/sleeping books

11. Why I'm a republican!

12. Why staying grounded in the Bible is so important when it comes to forming opinions about life. 

13. Food

14. Family

15. Annoyances

16. Love

17. Work

18. Money

19. Prayer

20. Needs/Wants 

I have thought about all of these topics today (plus dozens more) and find it unbelievable that our minds are constantly working through and thinking about something... whether it be an opinion, analysis, or to do list. It would be interesting to review every thought we have in a given day to determine what kind of people we really are, and appreciate how complex our minds are. 

Maybe people that twitter constantly have a better grasp :) 

It's a Boy!

Pregnancy Glow?

My complexion has certainly seen better days! Every morning I wake up to find a new "accent" on my face. Currently, I resemble the Joker with dry scabs highlighting the corners of my lips. Isn't this contrary to popular belief? Aren't pregnant women supposed to glow?

Some women may resign to mother nature during pregnancy, but I refuse! If diamonds are a girl's best friend, then makeup must be a girl's loyal sister because I can't dream of a better companion. One quote that I always love to recite came from Dolly Pardon in Steel Magnolias, "There is no such thing as natural beauty!" Of course, Dolly needed to keep her salon busy :) But, Makeup -whether used to accent or cover- is necessary, and I will "glow" regardless of what nature decides... My latest MAC purchase: full coverage foundation. The switch from concealer and powder to foundation, concealer and powder has added about 3 well-worth-it minutes to my makeup regime. The "glow" can then be fully accomplished with bronzer and a subtle blush :)

Can you tell I'm Southern? Too many Northern women would quickly dismiss my insistence on makeup. Hopefully the natural glow will come in time, but my makeup bag will remain instrumental!